Being an English as a Second Language (ESL): Socialising 101

Making new friends and chatting about random topics is great fun. One moment you’re discussing American politics, and the next you’re debating how Rick and Morty resemble Marty McFly and Doc Brown. It’s always enjoyable getting to know someone new and being exposed to their culture. Through conversations with people from different backgrounds, I’ve come to realise that there are wonderful people all over the world—and, of course, a few not-so-pleasant ones as well.

As an ESL teacher working in different countries—sometimes changing locations every year—I’ve occasionally found it challenging to mingle and truly immerse myself in my surroundings. This nomadic lifestyle, common in the industry, can make forming new friendships difficult. Sometimes people just aren’t on the same wavelength as you, or your sense of humour doesn’t quite click with theirs.

After several years of hopping from country to country, I’d like to share some tips on how to socialise effectively with an international crowd.

You really have to pay full attention to everything someone says, otherwise you might miss the entire story. I consider myself a good listener because when someone tells me a story, I give them 100% of my attention. For instance, when a close friend tells me something, I can picture the whole thing in my head, because I know them, their background, and what they're like. But when I'm listening to someone completely new, I have to focus on even the smallest details to imagine their story clearly and not lose track.

For example:

Him: Yeah, so I spent my winter holiday last year with my family, near the village I grew up in, in the Alps. It was fun, but the skiing was hard.
Me: Uh, cool. Yeah, it must be exhausting to actually travel to a different country just to ski.
Him: Well, I don’t have to go that far.
Me: Really? How so?
Him: Because I’m from Switzerland.
Me: Ooooh, right. Yeah.

Honestly, it’s hard for me to relive that conversation without feeling like a complete buffoon!

It goes without saying, but when you're talking with someone, you need to respond appropriately—and ideally, not sound like a complete fool in the process. Here's an example of what not to do:

Him: Yeah, learning new languages is fun, but I still struggle. Even learning a new dialect is hard.
Me: Yeah, I agree.
Him: Yeah, as a German, when I go to Switzerland I can speak the language just fine, but then there are some words... (Truth be told, I sort of zoned out for the rest of the conversation here.)
Me: Oh, you can speak the language there? So, you speak Swedish?
Him: Well, no. One of their national languages is Swiss-German, which is a bit different from the German I speak.

No one wants to be caught with nothing to say, and absolutely no one wants to talk to a knob. The key is to figure out what you're passionate about, or at least find something you're interested in, and learn more about it. I’ve found that many conversations with new people often turn to life and what we make of it. Personally, I’ve developed a keen interest in philosophy ever since that university class `Philosophy, Science and Logic'. Now, I enjoy reading anything related to philosophy. So, when the conversation turns to philosophy or just life in general, I can share my thoughts, explain a bit about different philosophers, their points of view, and how we can learn from them.

The point is, the ‘it’ can be anything. It's about knowing something, sharing it, and learning from others as well.

This brings us to the obvious fourth and final recommendation: have opinions about things. This is really important—if you want to be an interesting person, you ought to have thoughts and opinions on various topics. When discussing something and differences in opinion inevitably arise, you'll be ready and able to debate or argue your point. The key is to be well-informed. Read. Learn about something. Master it. Then form your opinion. Should someone prove you wrong, it’s perfectly fine to admit it (and then get over it). You’ll have enjoyed a lively conversation and learned something new! We’re only human and can be wrong, but if you're right, don’t rub it in their face—unless, of course, you're holding a cake.

I’ve certainly messed up plenty when it comes to socialising. But for the most part, I’ve had a great time, learned a thing or two, and perhaps made a new friend. The most important thing? Have a sense of humour and enjoy yourself! As a teacher with English 1, travelling, and seeing the world, you’ll undoubtedly meet new and interesting people. We’re living in the best time to explore and learn about anything and everything. So, read, learn, and take the opportunity to make some new friends while you're at it!